Monday, August 20, 2007

Band With A Million People In It Sing About Sex

This is Bling Kong.

We've loved them ever since we randomly got a copy of their debut EP, Greatest Hits: 3.16.03 - 5.20.03, and found it to be chockfull o' nuts. Every song was ranuchy, pornographic and clad in leather--just the way we like it. They also have an album out called Do The Awesome which is... awesome! The band are playing After The Jump on Saturday, though we'll just have to see how they're all going to fit on one stage. We think there might be some sitting-on-laps involved. We sent some questions to Box, ...sizzler and Shredder of the band and this is what they had to say.

1. Hi guys. Unless I'm mistaken, all of your songs are about sex. When push comes to shove, what was your best lay evs? Give or take.

Box: Some of our songs are about murder, too. But my favorite personal experience was when this guy took me back to his apartment where we drank 40's with orange juice (drink OE down to the label, fill the rest back up with OJ) and watched Sleepaway Camp while cuddling. Then we boned. Totally romantic.

...sizzler: I once went out and bought 30 dry pounds of glass noodles. That makes between 150-200 pounds of cooked noodles. My ladyfriend and I filled her bathtub with all the noodles and played around in it for a while. We didn't lock and door and didn't realize the roommate and her mom were there until the mom unexpectedly walked in on us. The roommate then got extra pissed because we broke a bunch of her kitchen utensils scooping up all the noodles into trash bags to throw out the window.

2. If all the BK cheerleaders formed like Voltron, who would be the head?

Shredder: Whoa, you are not speaking my language here. We're chicks, remember? A better question might be: If all the BK cheerleaders were Josie and the Pussycats, who would be Josie? And I can't really reveal that.

3. Quentin Tarantino says you can't be a complete fan of the Beatles and of Elvis, you have to choose one. I believe that same goes for the Smiths and the Cure: where do you stand?

Box: Cure, for sure. Dudes in lipstick always win.

...sizzler: I have the Elvis lightning bolt from the TCB logo tattooed on my arm.

4. What is the cause of global warming?

Box: Clearly, us, especially certain dudes' epic van toots. Sorry, Al Gore.

...sizzler: I'm at a loss for a witty answer to that one.

5. Obviously the wittiest answer was to give me the real, scientific cause. Your band has a lot of people in it. This is kind of a dumb question but was that a conscious choice? Like did you go: 'OK, I want to be in a band with 16 million people in it' or did you just keep adding?

Shredder: BK was conceived to be as epic as possible from the get-go, a plan that included as many drummers and cheerleaders as possible. We kept adding until we couldn't fit any more people on the stage, and even still it's a squeeze.

6. Write a cheerleader chant for me! On the spot!

Disconap is awesome, totally!

7. What's the craziest thing that's ever happened on a BK tour?

Shredder: Craziest or stupidest? We've had a lot of stupidly awesome nights of drinking and dancing. Sometimes on pool tables, sometimes to karaoke, sometimes pantsless. Once we set off some fireworks in the snow on a college campus. We've closed bars in Kentucky and soaked in hot tubs in our undies. We've lost a wheel on the New Jersey turnpike. I'd say the craziest thing we ever did on tour though was play an art gala in Ohio that was a fully catered red carpet affair with a balloon drop during our last song.

Box: All those things were indeed awesomely crazy. I'd add though that Lexington seems to always carry the promise of something crazy. God bless Kentucky and their bartenders who are generous with the Basil Hayden.

8. If you could ask one fashion designer, living or dead, to design the costumes to your ultimate concert, who would you choose and why?

...sizzler: Coco Chanel. Excluding her affair with that Nazi officer, her entire life and work is pretty epic.

9. Who in BK has the gayest iPod?

...sizzler: Rainbow Stylin'! By far and away The Tobies has the gayest iPod in BLING KONG. Similou's "All This Love" is probably the toughest thing on it.

Box: That song is dripping with butt sex.

Shredder: We should admit to enjoying his supremely gay playlists on long car rides though. Then we blast some harsh noise from Sizzler's pod to clear the air of all the gay slow jams.

10. Finally, I love your band but not enough people know who you are. You have 15 seconds to come up with the best pitch EVER to convert regular people to BK fandom. BEGIN!

Box: We do a choose your own adventure rock opera about a couple who are bored with their relationship and the various ways in which they fuck it up trying to make it better. It includes sex, adultery, sex, violence, sex, hookers, drugs, three-ways, and a maybe a little sex if you're nice.

Shredder: Loud rock and roll with chicks in short skirts and 2.5 times more percussion than Def Leppard. And all the songs are about getting laid.

11. TIME'S UP! Thank you, Bling Kong!

Box: Thank YOU, CEC! Wanna do it?

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Blogger Hotbox said...


12:25 AM  
Blogger CEC said...


2:59 AM  
Blogger Hotbox said...


12:30 AM  
Blogger CEC said...


4:03 AM  

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