Stick A Fork In Us, We're Done

In all our days on this Earth we have only found there to be two universal truths: everyone dies someday, and the Killers are shit. Like, really, really shit. Ever since their faux-'80s stylings of 2003, we've often wished someone would take it upon themselves to eradicate the Killers from this planet like the musical plague that they are, and each day we got closer and closer to taking on the task ourselves. After all, as the saying goes, if you want an immensely overrated and annoying band destroyed right, you have to do it yourself.

It's our policy to try to not talk about bands we hate on DN (especially when there are so many Sophia von Bextorvilles and Kylissia Minoguerites to blog about), but today is an exception. Readers, fuck it, the brimstone fires of hell hath frozen the fuck over, because fuck us, FUCK US, the new Killers single is amazing.



(On a related note, a big FUCK YOU to Universal for always making their videos non-embeddable. Way to tap into that great viral marketing tool called THE INTERNET, you simple fucks. If you want to watch the video it's here).

Anyway back to the end of humanity: we're pretty sure that in the first draft of the Book of Revelations there was a fifth horseman called Brandon Flowers who lead the whole pack of Pestilence and Famine or whatever with this fucking new Killers album. We wish we could say WE CAN'T but in actuality we most certainly CAN and frankly we're not sure how we feel about it all. All we can say is their next single better be shitty or we are hanging up our dancing shoes and joining Rachel Stevens in her forgotten, underground pop bunker. UGH.