The Saturdays and Vince Clarke Save Music

The date is November 29th, 2008. It's a Saturday (COINCIDENCE??? I THINK NOT) and we were going about our normal weekend schedule--making a hearty breakfast, idly channel surfing, perhaps daydreaming a little about Daniel Craig and how we haven't seen Quantum of Solace yet, and of course reading a week's worth of posts on our favorite pop blog, Popjustice.com. It's when stumbling upon a post about The Saturdays, a rather, to be frank, hit-or-miss girl group currently making a name for themselves across the pond. We were about to scroll down the page in with our usual sigh of "OH WELL, NOTHING TO REPORT AROUND HERE" when suddenly, a name caught our eye. A glorious name: VINCE CLARKE. I.E., Vince Clarke of Depeche Mode/Yaz/Erasure fame.

UM, HOLY SHIT.

Turns out Vince decided to do the world a favor and remix "Issues" The Saturdays' (quite terrible) obligatory third single ballad. It wouldn't be quite as bad if they had somehow worked "Oh Jack, I wish I could quit you" into the chorus (you'll see). That would have been pretty rad, but instead it's just kind of boring and goes on for a bit. Anyway, Vince makes it all better, so here's that.

The Saturdays - Issues (Vince Clarke Radio Edit)

Amazing.

And here's the original if you're interested.

We'd like for you to assist at the death of our credibility

(What credibility?--World)

We don't know if it's these hard American times, the economy, the lack of health care, the war, and all the national strife that is beginning to seriously impair our mental health, but after last week's misguided confession of our love for the song "Human" by serial musical offenders The Killers, we'd like to present our DN reader(s) with our newest earworm:



Forgive us Father, for we have sinned.

Don't get it twisted: this is not in any way, shape or form an acceptance of the aural cancer known as "I Kissed A Girl" or any other missive Ms. Perry may have shot at an unsuspecting world from the fiery gates of Hell. Seriously, Katy Perry is categorically THE WORST, but our diseased minds find some sort of sick pleasure in playing back the chorus of "Hot N Cold" ALL THE FUCKING TIME without respite, day in, day out. Either we are complete masochists (not entirely out of the realm of possibilities, frankly) or like say, "Turn Back Time" by Aqua, a shitty artist has managed to release a decent song, made even better compared to the awfulness of the rest of their work. Actually who are we kidding, we love Aqua.