The most amazing video you will ever see

ARE. WE. RITE???

And heaven and angels sing

O hai, Jordin Sparks.



It kind of pains us to write this below that photo of Jordin looking all snappy and cute, but it must be said: her music is really bad. We're glad she won Idol and all, not that we watched that season because it was horrible, but good for her. But like all Idol winners post graduation (except for our dear beloved K. Clark), her debut album is the pits. Except for, of course, the interplanetary amazingness that is "No Air". Say it with us:

"No Air" is amazing.

Again.

"No Air" is amazing.

AGAIN.

"NO AIR" IS AMAZING!

Now we have one more reason to rejoice: someone's finally done a remix that we might be able to play to other human beings without inciting a lynch mob (we DJ'd the original--and epicly amazing--"No Air" at one of our parties and the entire bar turned into one big stink eye. To quote the bartender: "I just threw up in my mouth a little.") Obviously this is not a testament to our impeccable taste in pop music but a problem with our society at large.

Anyway the remix is by Doug Grayson and is called the "Cruel Intentions" remix (LOL ETC):

Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown - No Air (Doug Grayson Cruel Intentions remix) (YSI)

Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown - No Air (Doug Grayson Cruel Intentions remix) (zShare)

Ok, it's probably not as good as it could have been but until Stuart Price or Alan Braxe gets on that shit this is as good as its going to get. So quit your whining.

Lolpost

WANT.

EPIC FAIL.

Because that really needed to be gayer

So, if you watch the nationally televised train wreck that is American Idol, you'll have noticed that current Idol Jordin Sparks performed her duet Chris Brown, "No Air", on the show last night. There's a YouTube video. Here's the YouTube video.



It gets SUPER awkward after the second chorus (you can only really riff on lyrics about, um, suffocation for so long), and Chris sounds like he gargled with lighter fluid beforehand (you better work), but what can we say, after months of pretending to not like this song it has totally grown on us. Call us crazy [You're crazy--Ed.]

But, like with all things in general, the song got us wondering... wow, could this get any gayer? And just like a cheerleader in a slasher movie asking "Can this get any worse?" THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY. Turns out Jason Nevins remixed "No Air" for the CD single, and it's fucking high octane as shit. We suddenly feel like picking up a recreational crystal meth habit. Thanks Jason!

Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown - No Air (Jason Nevins remix)

We told you so.

It is to our great shame and dismay that we didn't know this existed until we saw it in the "Most Viewed Today" column as we were perusing YouTube.com today. Apparently more than 700,000 people have seen this video (though haven't talked about it because the embedding feature is disabled). So we had to find a mirror. Anyway here it is, it's the new Lil Mama featuring Chris Brown and T-Pain single, "Shawty Get Loose". Oh how the mighty have fallen.



It's kind of a good song, though no where near the genius of a "Lipgloss" or a "G-Slide" (WHERE ARE THE NURSERY RHYMES AND COSMETICS?!?!??) but Mama's hair is approximately 70% better here than it was in those videos, so we're sure wrongs have been righted in some respects.

We shall reserve judgment until her album is released. In like 2085.

PS: We feel like T-Pain is older than Chris Brown and Lil Mama combined (albeit, the median age for that crew is like, fetal).

We haven't posted a YouTube video in a few days

...obviously this is a violation of our integrity as serious music journalists.



We have no idea if this is official, or if some YouTube bootlegger crudely copy/pasted this shit together, but in any case it's amazing. Obviously what Calvin Harris needs to do is move in on the international hip hop scene. You can loop those I Created Disco beats to just about anything.

BTW that was Chris Brown and T. Pain vs. Calvin Harris "Kiss Kiss"/"Acceptable in the '80s" mash up.

WE KNOW.