...but is it amazing, amazing, or amazing? ("The answer? Amazing--now back to you in the studio"). We were completely petrified that CSS wold follow in the steps of their, let's face it, shoddy remix work of the past 12 months and make a middle of the road electropop album, but THANK THE GODS they have followed the current trend of people reminiscing about the good parts of the '90s (all three of them) and have made a record that sounds like all those angry ladies that got together and made punk records.
The Presets have decided to release their best song since "Are You The One?" as a digital EP in the US via iTunes. There's even a K.I.M. remix, which we suppose is kind of meta when you get deep down to it, but it's fairly decent. This may seem controversial, but we're way more into Kimberly than Jules--for one, he has a girl's name (No, he doesn't--Australian Culture Ed.), and kind of looks like he might touch you in an inappropriate place in the back of a Sedan--and we like that.
Anyway the song is like, a million % amazing, sounds like an updated version of Bronski Beat, and you should get it.
Basically, what we're gonna do is listen to this song about 20 times today
Arewefuckingrite?
That was the new Vanessa Hudgens video for her brilliantly titled song "Sneakernight". We've been happily ignorant of the whole High School Musical phenomenon, and after listening to this song we're all like, maybe we were kind of wrong? We dunno, but if all Vanessa's other songs sound anything like "Sneakernight" (probability: 1,000,000:1) we're about to get into her back catalog like whoa (we haven't said "like whoa" since 2003, could someone please bring that back? Do we have to do everything ourselves?). Don't worry, we still think that Radio Disney is a thinly-veiled governmental brainwashing operation (only half joking), but we are about to be the only people to get down to this song in a club when someone plays it out. Like, the only people in the entire club. Wait, here are some numerics:
1. 2thewalls pointed out that "Sneakernight" is basically a Nikka Costa song, which it really, really is. Wikipedia has next to no info on the song, but we highly suspect Nikka had something to do with this. If this becomes some sort of Mylène Farmer/Alizée shit (Google it--French Pop Ed) we will seriously freak out.
2. WHAT IS IT WITH CELL PHONES IN VIDEOS (see: "No Air", that awful new Jennifer Hudson song).
We're tempted to give "Sneakernight" a score of 85% Amazing. Premature? Probably. But rationality has never been our forte (We've noticed--World).
We're desperately searching for the humor in this...
..and we're coming up short. We were never a fan of the New Kids on the Block, by virtue of us being a little too young when they first came out, and of all their songs being completely shit. If we hadn't just eaten a fat ass chicken sandwich we could positively taste the pure desperation etched on the face of each of these men (especially Danny, who has enough face for the five of them).
We were almost fooled into liking a Coldplay single.
It starts off promising, with some rather nice strings and flutes thrown in the mix--that is until you realize that you are listening to Coldplay and that it's not going to go anywhere and it's going to be very boring and annoying.
That said, when Chris goes: "that's when I ruled the world" we were suddenly hit with a vision of a REALLY GAY FUCKING REMIX full of "UMCHA"s and vocal edits. We're hoping that Capitol have someone in the backroom this very moment cutting and splicing this mess into an Ibiza-shaped pop cookie (?) that's actually worth opening our iTunes for. Alan Braxe? Fred Falke? THE FREEMASONS (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)? At this point we'd even bother giving Jason Nevins a call to take the wheel aboard the SS Coldplay and steer this baby in the right direction.
We guess in the end we really care about Coldplay because we loved the first record when it came out and Chris Martin is kind of foppish and nice-looking and they've always had the potential to be a big gay mess but never really have been and we've always had this strange sexual attraction to the weird-looking drummer with the big forehead for no apparent reason.
1. We realized that, sometime in the recent past, Sophie Ellis-Bextor performed a pop show dressed as a rabbit and
2. Sophie released two new songs via her MySpace (HerSpace?). Now, if you've been keeping up on All Things Sophie (probably not on this web site as we only update once every two weeks, if you're lucky) you'll know that she was supposed to release a Great Hits compilation, only for the world at large, in an unprecendented display of good judgment, realized that La Bex is one of the most consistently amazing pop ladies of our time and deserves a new album full of awesome songs. Good call, World At Large.
In normal circumstances we'd lament someone (kind of) re-releasing "Off and On", a track that California Roisin Murphy already trashed and has been on the Internet since approx. the fall of Rome (and we don't mean central Italy circa September 2007, arewerite), but beggars can't be choosers, and we'll take new Sophie tracks where we can get them (although if someone makes her record a Lil Chris cover we're calling it quits).
The other song is called "Heartbreak Make Me a Dancer" (of course it is...) which doesn't really go out of its way to break the straight 206 (approximate) singles Sophie has released featuring the themes of love, dancing, or some variation thereof. For some reason we picture Sophie singing this song in the studio strapped to a chair while Debbie Harry in Hairspray screams: "COME ON NOW! ONE-TWO CHA CHA CHA! ONE-TWO CHA CHA CHA!"
We're not really that into the microphone in the new Annie video
The new Annie video is really good, it's called "I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me" and it's about women viciously hating each other (kind of like all of En Vogue or something) and that's all fun and games, but there's something we'd like to point out: Annie's microphone is shit and she knows it.
She's pissed.
Next to music and hair, microphone selection is one of the most important tasks a popstar has to undertake, and sometimes, as above, things tend to go horribly awry. Say what you will about the international mega-fiasco that was "2 Hearts", at least it had this:
Now THAT'S a mic.
It's obvious that they tried to rectify their error with a quick mic change near the end of the video:
Against literally all odds, the new Ne-Yo song is fucking amazing
This is young R&B "crooner" Ne-Yo.
While we're sure we've heard Ne-Yo songs in the past (perhaps while perusing our local drug store, or blasting out of an Escalade at 3AM) we've never quite paid attention to the young man's oeuvre: that is until now. Keeping in mind that everything Ne-Yo has done up to this point is irrevocably shit, we urge you, the DN reader, to turn your attention to "Closer", his new single and possibly the best male R&B single of the year (which makes it, if you've been keeping track, 2008's answer to "Icebox" by Omarion). It's pretty gay, which is what makes it good, though we of course will not comment on Mr. Yo's sexual persuasion. We will, however, comment on the fact that he has a pencil mustache.
We leave you with a YouTube audio/video thing of "Closer", illustrated with "pics" of Ne-Yo looking saucy.
We know. But we can't help it if Goldfrapp have taken it upon themselves to use March and April 2008 to be the best band ever.
Today they've gone and released the video for "Happiness", which is only about 65% as bizarre as their previous video for "A&E". At this rate in about eight video's time, Goldfrapp will just be shown in sweaters their moms knitted them, slackly gripping cups of tea and staring into space.
The best part is at 0:50, when Alison Goldfrapp is shown dressed as a demure Japanese secretary who is about to sustain a transformation from ugly duckling into beautiful swan, in a comic book geared towards 21 - 35 females.*
In which Kylie Minogue tries, for the millionth time, to break America
Last night, HRH Kylissia of the Minoguerites (no relation to Sophia von Bextorvilles) brought her 8 dancers in tow and performed on the Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson. Now, we've very big fans of the new album X, but we just can't seem to get behind "All I See", which is the chosen single for the American promotion of the record. It's just so... desperately AMERICAN, it makes us long for Kylie to put out a pure pop album that would essentially be "Wow" x 12, instead of "kind of weirdly awkward electro pop album" x 1. Also we really can't deal with the Tatyana Ali reference.
Anyway here is the video of last night's performance.
Yes, OK it was amazing but YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN.
It makes us long for the Kylie of yore. Or even the Kylie of new doing the Kylie of yore:
We recently reported that Tilly and the Wall--a band from Omaha who once featured a tap dancer on percussions, how novel--are releasing a new single called "Beat Control", the video for which we deemed Amazing, for many reasons, one of which was definitely good hair. Well, since we posted that video, we have been listening to "Beat Control" on an average of entirely way too much a day, and are convinced that given the proper exposure Tilly and the Wall will be the biggest band of 2008. So instead of posting an MP3 of "Beat Control" (the "Ready for the Floor" of March 2008, remember), we are urging YOU, the Disconap reader, to go to the iTunes Music store and pay $0.99 for it. It's well worth it (did we mention it was Amazing? It is. Amazing, that is).
It sounds like the Go Go's if they weren't old :( There's also a remix knocking about.
And they appear to be having a rest surrounded by Kate Jackson's shoe collection, and NOT some sort of indie rock satanic ritual (Kate: "Don't burn the Manolos etc").
The Long Blondes (none of which are blondes--IRONY ALERT!) are releasing a new album entitled Couples very soon, and the first single is "Century". Now, let us begin by saying that last year's Someone To Drive You Home pulled off the very precarious feat of disguising a Very Good Pop Album as an OK Indie Rock Album, which fooled people with good hair into buying it, but unfortunately NOT mainstream people who don't give two shits about a band from Sheffield, UK whose main influences seem to be comprised only of Jarvis Cocker, Betty Paige and Lauren Bacall. The question we are now posing into the Pop Ether is, will Couples succeed where Someone failed, and launch this deserving band into the next strata of fame, glory, lucrative recording contracts, etc etc? SUSPENSE.
The short answer is no, because while "Century" is Good, it's also a load of weird shit that nobody will understand. Shame.
...but something is stopping us from enjoying it at its full potential. Perhaps it's the lyric "Once again I find myself way out of touch/Feels like autumn never leaves us very much"? Right?
The song is called "Autumn Never Leaves" and features a wind chime at 0:03, so we don't know what we're complaining about frankly.
It is to our great shame and dismay that we didn't know this existed until we saw it in the "Most Viewed Today" column as we were perusing YouTube.com today. Apparently more than 700,000 people have seen this video (though haven't talked about it because the embedding feature is disabled). So we had to find a mirror. Anyway here it is, it's the new Lil Mama featuring Chris Brown and T-Pain single, "Shawty Get Loose". Oh how the mighty have fallen.
It's kind of a good song, though no where near the genius of a "Lipgloss" or a "G-Slide" (WHERE ARE THE NURSERY RHYMES AND COSMETICS?!?!??) but Mama's hair is approximately 70% better here than it was in those videos, so we're sure wrongs have been righted in some respects.
We shall reserve judgment until her album is released. In like 2085.
PS: We feel like T-Pain is older than Chris Brown and Lil Mama combined (albeit, the median age for that crew is like, fetal).
Be prepared for another YouTube video within the next 24 hours
We're slightly confused if Stefy is basically just Californian singer Stefy Rae OR an eponymous band featuring her and a couple of white men playing rock instruments. A little bit like Goldfrapp then (but what isn't). Anyway, we were somewhat "into" Stefy about a year ago when she (they?) released a bunch of singles no one listened to but were still pretty good. She is (they are?) are now back with a video for "Pretty Little Nightmare", her (their?) best song to date. Watch out for the "I'm so pretty/I'm so pretty" part at the beginning of the chorus, it's definitely the best bit.
Here's the video. It's stop-start animated, so don't be surprised if it makes it on the frontpage of YouTube.com, like right now.
We're pretty sure the theme of the video is "Oooh I'm Stefy I break lots of hearts because I am a sexy lady". Not exactly the same can be said for Simian Mobile Disco, we're afraid.
Despite slipping slightly off of the Ting Tings bandwagon this week due to their new single "Great DJ" not being QUITE as amazing as we first thought upon multiple listens, when we heard Sir Calvin of the Harrisons (no relation to Her Majesty Sophia von Bextovilles) was doing a remix of "Great DJ" our interest was, shall we say, "re-piqued". The remix is FUCKING BRILLIANT and definitely restores "Great DJ"'s status as a song that's OK to listen to sometimes, when one feels a little dance-y.
The remix is 100% amazing until the 1:30-minute mark, where it brutally and suddenly drops to approximately 94% amazing. Then when the verse picks up again, it's back to 100%. Magical.
PS: We want to make "The drums the drums the drums the drums etc" the "Umbrella-ella-ella" of 2008. I.e.: "What does Ross Jarman play in the Cribs again?" "The drums the drums the drums the drums etc".
PPS: THE TING TINGS JOKE OF THE DAY:
Q: What are the Ting Tings always careful to tidy up after they've eaten a box of cookies? A: The crumbs, the crumbs, the crumbs, the crumbs, the crumbs, etc.
Perhaps it is because you're having a swim in a heated pool, but then again it could be because your new single "Wow" is being generally well received by the public, and that whole "2 Hearts" debacle seems well behind us. Well done, etc.
Personally speaking, we think that "Wow" is the best Kylie single since "Come Into My World", and with a little bit of diplomacy and deep meditation we have gotten over the fact that "2 Hearts" should have been the best Kylie single since "Come Into My World", but wasn't. Whatever, the world turns.
One of the many remixes of "Wow" that is making the rounds at the moment is the CSS remix, which is actually way better than how CSS usually fare with other people's songs. Anyway, it is here and it is now.
Disconap: Bringing you play-by-play coverage of the new Goldfrapp video
0:07: Oh no! It's seems like Madonna's "people" got a hold of Alison Goldfrapp... with disastrous results. 0:18: Oh wait, she was just taking a nap. Whew! 0:57: Paging Al Gore: all nature really wants to do is dance! 1:30: Apparently "A&E" stands for accident and emergency, which we suppose is better than the "A&E" we had in mind (though we can't front on some Agatha Christie reruns). 1:41: For a split nanosecond we totally thought some Janet Jackson-style ensemble choreography was about to jump off here, which let's face it would have been AMAZING. 2:01: Not to be obnoxious but we're pretty sure the green Leaf Men are doing the exact choreography from Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" video. JUDGE FOR YOURSELF.
HOLY GOD THAT WAS HORRIBLE. PS We had to Wikipedia "Will Smith" to find out the correct ebonic spelling of that title of that song.
Back to our scheduled blog post.
2:23: What is going on :( 3:05: That's that then. 3:19: We don't think it's a cameo if it's your own band, Will. WE ARE ON TO YOU.
This is Janet Jackson and the video for her new single, "Feedback".
First off [Oh fucking hell, here we go again--Rants Ed.] we really do like "Feedback" as a song. It's catchy, has a good beat, and would be a great single, if it were sung by Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Ciara, Amerie, Cassie, Beyonce, Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Rachel Stevens, Roisin Muphy, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Dragonette, or any one of the thousands of pop stars that are more qualified to sing a song about "plugging in" a "guitar" and creating "feedback" (phrases we can only take as thinly-veiled metaphors for YOU KNOW WHAT). We're not ageist, and we're all for empowering older women, especially those who have recorded Rhythm Nation, but Janet Jackson's Wikipedia entry says she's 41, and that shit don't lie. To quote the doorman at the club Leslie Mann and Katherine Heigl try to get into in Knocked Up, "You're old as fuck... but like, just for this club. Not for, you know, the Earth."
It's no secret that Ms. Jackson's record have been selling zilch as of late, which brings the question: why keep marketing her as a pop starlet? It obviously isn't working, and the same hardcore fans who bought Damita Jo and 20 YO (what was even on that album?) would buy something more sophisticated and mature. Why her label and management keep giving her songs asking people to "work her out" is completely beyond us. Granted, The Velvet Rope wasn't a masterpiece but at least it was a step in the right direction, and don't even stand here and front on "Together Again". That was the jam.
Anyway, suffice to say that, though we do not fully approve, we will probably get wasted in some club and dance around to "Feedback" sometime in the near future. Sad.
PS: Not to be nit-picky, but what is up with the Klaxons-lite video treatment? Although to be fair, we suppose all Klaxons ever do is rip off this and this, so whatever.
That's right, double post. If you don't like it, you know where the "close window" button is.
As reported in the post directly below this one, the Pains are performing a pop show at Don Hill's in NYC tomorrow. We're pretty sure that the show will feature "A Teenager in Love", their new single that SOUNDS LIKE JOE JACKSON, we are not kidding. It's amazing. AND IT IS HERE.
